Yes, I'm crying again.
Bloomin' heck, what's up with her now? I hear you cry.
Actually it's a book that is making me cry: One Moment, One Morning by Sarah Rayner. I'm only half way through it, but it revolves around the people surrounding a man who dies of a heart attack on a train, and takes us through the emotions of three woman surrounding the incident, including his wife and two very young children.
The descriptions of the emotions are very real for me; I remember the feeling of seeing James after he died, of shaving him and choosing clothes for him; imaging the complete decimation that his mother and sister must be feeling while I had my own heartbreak...
But, actually while those memories are so vivid and yet so unreal, and the pain and grief still there, it is something else that is actually upsetting me most: my relationship with PD.
To say our relationship has soured with the appearance of someone new in my life would be an understatement. I seem to have hurt PD in a way he will never forgive, something I certainly didn't intend; I still love him so dearly.
He is the father of my beautiful little girl and I loved sharing her with him in our own odd little family. Now we still share her but it's not the same.
So why is this book making me cry about that?
How would we deal with the loss of the other? How we explain this to our child? Would we still pull together if anything happened to our precious girl?
It is this that is making me cry.
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