Friday, 21 November 2014

Bring Your Baggage, Let's Unpack

I guess when you are a single mum, or indeed possibly anyone over 40 dating becomes more complicated. 

In fact if someone doesn’t have any baggage or damage that in itself would imply something wrong!  

Not that any of this helps in the moment.  

I’ve not been a serial dater, I can take a while to warm to a person (why generally my relationships start with people I already know (yes twitter 
seems to count these days – odd though it may seem))  but in fact when I do fall, I have a tendency to with all my heart, even when my head says wait.

The thing is, we all want to feel important, special and loveable.   But, it is only recently that I have really grasped the idea that what is important isn’t details on a page, circumstances or even viability. 

What is important is how someone makes you feel. 

I need to know I matter, I want to be loved, I need reminding, often. Yes, I am high maintenance, if high maintenance means saying ‘I Love you’ or ‘I’m thinking of you’ or taking me places and sharing life with me. I am capable of managing life, but I still want someone to take care of me every now and then.  

The thing is these are the things I do for someone when I love them, and I have realised that it’s not that I do them in order for it to be returned, but I do it because this is what love is to me.

There is a security in knowing you are loved and wanted that nothing in this world can replace.

This post has been prompted by a discussion with the lovely @Iamwitwitwoo and her blog post here: 

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Tentative toe in the water

So, I'm back.

Yes I know I have said it before but this time I really mean it.

I miss this blog. Yes, I have twitter and to some extent that has provided entertainment and contact. But, I miss blogging. I miss writing.

Not really sure why I stopped. I think so much was going on that I could barely get my head around it let alone get it across in words. Like many people going through a depressive phase, there are times when words are just too hard.

For me my jaw clamps shut, my phone goes unanswered and I spend as much time as I can in the fetal position, desperate, yet unable to ask for a hug.

Am I in a better place now?

I think so. I'm always desperate for a strong hand to hold but who isn't.

So, a quick recap:

Poppet is now 6 and almost ¾
We left our beloved Twickenham and now live on our beloved island instead
We have been here nearly two years yet still miss all we loved in Twickers
I am still a single mum
I am, at present a full-time working mum too
This move has not been easy and on many occasions I wanted to give up. I'm here so I didn't