far from the truth to say I reached a point where it couldn't feel any
worse. All I wanted to do was cry and runaway with my baby, run to
somewhere where nobody would ever find us.
Yes, I did stuff, I did stuff because I knew I had too, I did stuff
because I hoped it would make me feel better. It did a little for a
little while.
It was like watching myself drive into on-coming traffic, knowing it
was wrong but not being able to take my foot of the accelerator.
So, I'm taking the pills. Each time I get back up I seem to sink a
little lower so what choice did I have. What I don't understand is how
something that is meant to make you feel better can make make you feel
so awful. I've been debilitated by nausea, am left lethargic, eating
and drinking only because I know I have to, not because I have any
desire too.
So while PD moves on with his life, I'm left numb, wondering how to
teach my daughter to believe in love and happily ever after when I'm
struggling to myself.
I do, of course I do, what other reason would there be to go on.
1 comment:
Surprise Mum - I am changing my log in to anonymous but I have posted responses to you before. I hope you know who I am (I would just rather not broadcast the following to anyone who reads this).
Please believe me, this time will pass. I don't know what 'happy pills' you are taking but the ones I had to take a few years ago left me with very similiar feelings. Rather like taking an actual 'pill' with none of the good parts, just the lack of spacial awareness, the sensation that people are talking and you are watching them but not really taking anything in, the detachment which feels like you are watching life from behind a screen.
My depression wasn't following a baby, so I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I have been as low as I thought I could possibly go, and then lower again still.
These times will pass, even if now it feels like it won't. I am so sorry to hear that you feel such despair. I am thinking of you.
Post a Comment