Very not fearless, but very Friday

There is somewhere I would normally be tonight, something I have done for years. Something that I'm not doing but perhaps I should be.

I'm not at the Isle of Wight Festival. I always go. Last year I took Isobel; the year before I made her; years before that I had some very good times.

But you see even last year was a little odd.

One of my romantic notions was that we would always go as a family during the day, with grandma baby sitting in the evening. In a way we failed on both counts last year. Grandma was away, and we were only pretending to be a family.

In actual fact PD had already announced he was leaving (it took him a while to actually go). Me, I was reeling a little, but determined to hold my family together in whatever way I could. I was sure we could be a family, a proper, whole loving family and that PD would see that in time.

But here we are one year on and I'm still struggling not to plan things for us to do as a family, and I really shouldn't.

I'm just not sure how to play it.

But I am sure it is time to move on, build a new improved future for me and my little girl, while also regaining the bits of me I fear I have lost.

I guess that was what the life modelling was about, I wanted to do something bold, something different, something to talk about.

I'm rebuilding me, my confidence, my heart.

(Watch this space)

The Isle of Wight

I'm going to start this post by getting a couple of whinges out of the way.

I love the Isle of Wight festival for many reasons as I've said before, but I have 2 really, really big gripes. Firstly, why is it the only festival in the land that charges under twelves? Secondly,why, why, why do we need fairground rides that do nothing but add unnecessary noise pollution. I mean it's a MUSIC festival for heavens sake, so why are the rides trying to drown out the great tunes?

Okay, rant over.

I quite enjoyed being at home for a few days, not just because a festival is a great excuse to do precious little except wonder which tunes to listen to, what to have for lunch and will another drink really hurt? I always enjoy showing PD the beauty that is the Island where I grew-up but, what I enjoyed most was being near my best friend Jen again.

You can't beat a best friend when you need a coffee and a chat and seeing Jen and her rambunctious children always is good for whatever ails. It was lovely being able to 'pop-in' and be reassured that 'it will all come out in the wash'; and thank you for babysitting so PD and I could go out and not be parents for an evening.

I miss you Jen. x