Mummy fail - yet again

I really didn't think being a mum would be easy.

I never wanted to have a perfect angel child, because somehow children that are too good give me the creeps.

I always wanted a child with something about her, a bit of a spark, an adorable cheekiness.

I certainly never intended to spoil my child.

But most of all, I thought I would be FAR FAR better at discipline than I am.

I'm as firm as my thighs (clue: I haven't done yoga for months!, my voice becomes so high pitched I can join in with the twilight barking and I have no idea why evolution gave us whining.

I think I will just go sit on the naughty step a while.*


*I tried the naughty step on Isobel and she thought it was funny, so funny she would come back in smack PD again and say 'I go sit on step', she would sit on the step and repeat the whole exercise.

It had to be you

It is with a heavy and anxious heart that I write this post.

It may be hard for you to believe but that beautiful little girl of mine, the little girl who, quite literally, is my someone to bless me whenever I sneeze; the little girl who will sing herself to sleep and to school; the little girl who says 'lovu' down the telephone and always says 'alllright mummy' whenever I drop something (which is often) is ....

in danger of becoming a brat.

There I said it.

At nursery she has taken to smacking children who come near. Well that may be an exasperation, but her jealousy seems to know no bounds.

Now I know that jealousy stems from insecurity, but what I don't know is what to do about it?

Please don't get me wrong, she can be kind and there are days at nursery where she spends the day wiping noses and kissing upset children better.

But, these days are outnumbered by those where she is demanding, hardwork and out of control.

I love my daughter, PD loves his daughter, most people love her. But how long will that last?

Voice coach required

I live in fear of becoming an ineffective parent, you know the sort, the children tend to be brats for whom they spend their lives making excuses. I don't know what's more annoying the cajoling and pleading for better behaviour or the bratty behaviour itself.

I just do not want to have a child that no-one wants to have around.

And so far I don't

But...

Isobel sometimes laughs when I say 'No' and there are some battles I really can't be bothered to fight.

I don't give into whining, I try to distract but there is an element of whining. Tantrums are short lived and definitely for show. Crying as her I leave her at nursery I am sure is now a habit.

While Isobel isn't a brat, I do know I have to be firmer.

I don't plead with her to let me change her nappy I just put a firm hand on her tummy and she stops wriggling; I don't beg her to get in the pushchair - I can get those straps on even with a struggle.

So, I'm not a complete push over.

I do think if perhaps my voice was less audible to dogs and dolphins I may get a better reaction.

Hmmm

To say my daughter is a mummy's girl is an understatement of such epic proportions it could shift tectonic plates and change the shape of our world.

To say my daughter can be a bit of a madam is not an understatement, she is a bit, but it feels me with epic proportions of dread.

It is something I am keen to nip in the bud. Well a little bit.

The last thing I want is to raise a brat. But a little mischief is OK, in fact it is desirable.

And confidence, well that I'd like to give her in spades.

So, while I am in this frame of mind, imagine how I felt to be pulled aside by Isobel's nursery teacher to be told she had bitten, yes I said bitten, twice that day.

She wasn't the initiator but she did retaliate, and then in shock she cried. It's a bit of a double edge sword isn't it: you don't want her to bite but you want her to stand up for herself.

Now I get to bit all parents get to, I have the excuses...

She is having problem with her final molars, the way she gnaws on her own fingers is somewhat of a clue; she's only 1 1/2 how do you discipline a 1 1/2 year old; it's just a phase, all toddlers go through it.....

But really, I wanted to cry (completely out of proportion), I looked at her differently and I didn't know what to do.

I just wanted to do better for both of us, hey ho we'll get there. She'll train me soon enough.

One word from me

We have a slight problem at the moment. Isobel seems to have started smacking.

Now there is no doubt that this has been picked up from nursery as she has never seen any one raise their hand at home.

On several occasions, three to be exact, I have caught the same little thug boy smacking Isobel. He has been greeted with the nursery standard response 'Sad choice'.

The tone of this utterance seemed to only have an effect on me; it made me sad.

So what do I expect them to do: be stern at the very least. I know you mustn't label a child as 'bad'... I know, I know, but...

How do you discipline an under 2 year old?; how do I stop 17 month old Isobel before she really starts?

I am in no doubt that, no way, no how, will anyone lift a finger to, or even come close to smacking her. If I do I will have failed not her but me too. If anyone else does, it will be all I can do not to smack them, and hard. (But not when Isobel can see as that would be setting a very bad example...)

Right now I bring her raised hand down and say 'No' but is that the right thing?

As for naughty steps: how naughty can a step be?

How much of a banishment is it when that's where we put our shoes on and eat our apples.