Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Woman Down!

Man down! man down!

This exclamation is normally accompanied by a flurry of activity as places are filled and the fallen soldier is recovered to be carried off and repaired.

Not quite the same when the man down is a single mum and that single mum is me!

Bloomin tonsillitis has taken me out at the knees. I am currently managing a 10 : 180 minute activity to nap ratio.

Trouble is I can't really truly just crumble. I still have parenting to do. And there is nothing scarier to a 6 year old than the person who looks after her becoming voiceless and energy less.

Half way through getting her ready for school yesterday her mother suddenly had to lie down on the tiled kitchen floor because brushing her hair was too much.

Don't get me wrong I got her to school, looking how she should.

Now I have rallied the troops. Swallowed my pride (about all I can swallow) and asked for help.

A play date and tea after school, someone else to do the school run.... I am lucky, lucky to have people who love me enough to be there. I just have to remember to ask and let them.

I have put some washing on, now if only I could get the washing machine to empty itself...

Sorry time for my nap now.

Thursday, 5 February 2015

Mental Health

I struggle with deppression. Every now and then it sneaks up behind me and slowly sufficates me. The anxiety is paralysing and overwhelm, well that's overwhelming.

It takes all I have to work and parent, chores go undone, words go unsaid. At this time I can't ask for help, I can barely speak. Don't ask me questions even if they are 'how can I help?' I won't know.

Yes my life is good and yes I am strong, but at this time neither matters, I just want to give up as it is all too hard.

I cling to 'this too will pass' knowing it to be true even if I don't feel it.

At this time it's not conversation I need; messages of unconditional love are great, just doing things without expecting me to choose helps.

I may not say it at the time but knowing you are truly there, no strings attached is bloomin marvellous.

Take time to ask what helps people you know struggle. Ask when they feel good, be prepared for the times they cannot tell you.